It also puts quite a bit of your life in perspective and produces a pathway that splits into your possible decisions of how you want to handle the rest of your life.
It isn’t a conscious decision. It hasn’t been. There have been slight fluctuations between them when certain events occur. I’d like to change that and be myself - the qualities that I’m constantly showcasing time after time. The second of those three.
It won’t be a catch-all answer for my problems. I did things I shouldn’t have and those actions have negatively affected my relationship with people. At points, it was a stream of hatred and confusion that has pushed me further and further to try to alleviate the pain from my daily thoughts even while against the wishes of the person who could make it all better. Certain circumstances are just a loss of respect between me and another.
I don’t quite understand why I keep on doing this though. Am I just stressed out beyond what I can handle? Am I terrible at communicating with people? Do I perpetuate respect for people who not only don’t deserve it but don’t have it from me? Do I try too hard in areas of my life that don’t really matter and skimp on the parts that would make everything better for me?