C'est La Vie
It also puts quite a bit of your life in perspective and produces a pathway that splits into your possible decisions of how you want to handle the rest of your life.
- The same way filled with negativity and playing on it to make yourself and your friends a bit happy. (You’ve noticed this is the most effective way to make people laugh.)
- How you were at the end of 2011; showing disdain for the world’s woes while seriously thinking and rendering your choices as to make the people you care about feel better. (You’ve noticed this is what makes you happier than anything ever.)
- Plummet down the negativity and cynicism that was pre-junior year. (You’ve noticed this is the least likely to stress you out.)
It isn’t a conscious decision. It hasn’t been. There have been slight fluctuations between them when certain events occur. I’d like to change that and be myself - the qualities that I’m constantly showcasing time after time. The second of those three.
It won’t be a catch-all answer for my problems. I did things I shouldn’t have and those actions have negatively affected my relationship with people. At points, it was a stream of hatred and confusion that has pushed me further and further to try to alleviate the pain from my daily thoughts even while against the wishes of the person who could make it all better. Certain circumstances are just a loss of respect between me and another.
I don’t quite understand why I keep on doing this though. Am I just stressed out beyond what I can handle? Am I terrible at communicating with people? Do I perpetuate respect for people who not only don’t deserve it but don’t have it from me? Do I try too hard in areas of my life that don’t really matter and skimp on the parts that would make everything better for me?
